ouch...back pain

it all started about 1-2 weeks ago...where i felt something weird is going on to my backbone.....at 1st i thought would be nothing...but the pain is slowly developing...affecting the side bones of my lungs......hmm....at 1st i thought it was some kind of sickness or growth....bad things were on my mind that time~....but we just can't assume without consulting a doctor mar....n so....went all the way back to seremban just to see doctor..n also to see my family incase anything happen.....n my bro told me to see this chinese tradtional treatment....where his family have a well known reputation in this industry......they are the expert of bones, muscle, n veins.....

n so ...i went for my 1st treatment......for the 1st time....it was a lady who treated me.....she said...my back is weak...she even ask me...wht did i do??? my ans is...i have no idea at all...perhaps cycle or walk...cause that's wht i always do in kampar... she told me it's quite a while for this ..but now u only feel the pain..it's normal....ok...the 1st time urut...was not that bad....but she told me...u gonna feel pain after the treatment.....ok...i can bare with it....n she told me to come back for the 2nd treatment~....

for this duration...i was not allowed to eat.... bean sprout, kankung.....n those things which are classified as 'chill ' food in chinese belief......

2 days after treatment...was getting better.....i thought i would be happily doing my things...but bad news return.....this time...the lady son 'he' said that actually starting half ur backbone till the end...was out of position.....omg....that time....the treatment for  it...was even more pain than before.....but does feel better after that...but hah....the pain did not just stop on tht spot.....even when i sit...or stand or walk...the pain is still there...n it is 5 X painer than before.....but he didn't told me about it...i was expect slightly a little bit of pain...but not this...totally never ready for this kind of pain....it's actually kinda affect my both legs.......it make it feel numbs most of the time...n the whole back was just straining in the pain.....i really hope there is some pain killer i can take~but stil...i can walk lar...just maybe need to bare with the pain..... n besides the food that they mention can't eat...now...add another 2 new items.....chicken and duck~..... =.='''ll seriously.... not much replacement for chicken...unless i could get fish easily or pork....but most of the dishes also have chicken de leh...not much choice of food left in kampar...n i really wanna have my ice cream......need to stop all these craving before i'm totally recover.....

hopefully i can heal within days so tat i can continue my normal routine...n prep things for my final n the big event coming on 8th of september~....

but at this moment...i think the pain is in labor mode ...level 2-3...... @.@...unbelievable~
n also trauma to sit my bicycle again after this incident....

it's always me and me only~

sometimes...i feel like i'm the only person living in this world....sometimes i feel i'm so invisible to others.....i'm only visible when ppl need me~...... all i can say is...... no one really care how i felt...it's always about how they feel....it's hard for ppl to go thru wht u have go thru and understand it in ur shoes.......i'm not forcing ppl to know everything about me...but at least pls dun make me feel that my appearance means nothing in urlife..~...... 

because daddy it's not there anymore to answer my phone call .... no one i could really share my feelings and thoughts out.....i just miss my daddy back in the days where he can sayang me when i'm down~ soon....it's gonna reach another 2nd year of miles stone without him.... although i have try my best to learn to live without him......but i just miss him so much to talk with....sometimes i really wish i could call him and say...." hey tough guy....miss me???" but....it's a fact that he's gone...n i need to learn to love myself more....It's ok if no one in this world love you..but as long as you learn to love yourself....you will enjoy life.....

but right now....i'm just having the harshest moment in life...where ppl might not understand wht i have to go thru just to sleep well in then nights....it may be stress for pre finals....but one thing for sure.... i'm no enjoying the life i'm suppose to be....even if i love myself more..... i'm not just happy the way i am used too......